Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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