dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
