Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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