If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
