I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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