My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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