i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
