Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
