well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
