who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
