i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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