it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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