Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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