One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
