Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
