and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
