So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
