just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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