you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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