Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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