My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You took a bar mat shot.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
