the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
