thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
