is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
