I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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