I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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