Dignity is for republicans.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
