I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
