oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
