I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's the barista slut.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
