I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
