Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
