So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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