I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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