I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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