No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
