so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
