That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
