Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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