i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
