Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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