I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
