so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
