I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
