Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
