Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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