oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
