We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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