Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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