I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
