have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
